What If Edgeworth
by Mentality at its Worst
Summary: ...and in stumbled Prosecutor Edgeworth. The red that lined his pale eyes, the random stains in his coat, and the bits of frazzled hair definitely told the story of someone who spent the night sleeping in a ditch. [OOC Edgeworth][Oneshot]


Admittedly, it has been almost three years since I've written _any_ fanfiction. In fact, this is my first in the _Phoenix Wright_ fandom altogether. Regardless of what anyone says, however, I _will_ continue writing. A link is also available in my profile to my DeviantART account where I have been doing some fanart as well. In fact, the fic you are about to read is based off of a comic I drew on my DeviantART. That being said...

However this may look, this is _not_ a Wright/Edgeworth fic.

This is what could be known as a CRACK!fic.

Edgeworth is OOC...WAY OOC. That's just how the joke worked.

The fic is rated as it is because of _two words_. I don't want wank because of two words, folks.

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**What if Edgeworth...  
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_'The corners aren't lined up…_'

Wright reorganized his papers. In fact, he had gone through and organized his notes and evidence several times already. He looked up pleadingly at the judge, who paid him no mind as he impatiently tapped his fingers on his desk.

'_Where the hell is Edgeworth?_'

That was when the great doors at the end of the room burst open and in stumbled Prosecutor Edgeworth. The red that lined his pale eyes, the random stains in his coat, and the bits of frazzled hair definitely told the story of someone who spent the night sleeping in a ditch. All eyes were on him as he fumblingly made his way to his desk, returning the wide, confused stares with menacing scowls. Literally tossing his briefcase onto the desk, he opened it upside down and the briefcase seemed to swallow him as he dug into it so unnecessarily deep to retrieve his own notes.

"Mr. Edgeworth, are you feeling alright?" asked the judge with a slight impatient air about him. He was immediately reduced to bewildered blinking when Edgeworth, not looking up once, thrust his hand nearest the judge toward the sky with a thumbs-up.

"Well…I…err…alright, then. Is the prosecution ready?" the judge then asked. Edgeworth was still for a moment, staring into his mess of a briefcase as though lost entirely in deep thoughts. He then slammed his briefcase shut, the sound echoing throughout the courtroom and making a few startled people jump from their seats.

"YEAH," Edgeworth answered loudly, his own voice echoing in the room as well. The judge then turned to ask Mr. Wright if the defence was ready, to which he responded yes, he was, though he stared at Mr. Edgeworth the entire time with quizzical eyes. The judge, more than happy to finally start the show, turned back to Edgeworth.

"In that case, Mr. Edgeworth, if you would please give us your opening statement?"

Edgeworth coolly placed one hand on his desk and looked around the courtroom with half-closed eyes. Much to everyone's relief, he straightened himself confidently just like the Edgeworth everyone had seen many times before. He glanced down at a scribbled on piece of paper on his desk, and then back up to the people in the courtroom.

"Your Honor," he began, "I have clear, decisive evidence. This evidence proves, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the defendant is a _fucking douche_."

Everything went quiet. Across the room, Wright's jaw dropped. The judge quickly spoke again, his aggravation returning.

"Mr. Edgeworth, if you are going to be this disruptive, I'm going to have no choice but to--"

"_Witness_! I have a witness!" Edgeworth cut in, waving his hand about as though trying to signal a taxi.

"You will refrain from calling up on _any_ witnesses, Mr. Edgeworth, until you--"

He was cut off yet again when Edgeworth screamed, "She's right down here!" and immediately he bent over behind his desk and tore off one of his shoes. Confused and repulsed whispers flew about the courtroom and Wright introduced the palm of his hand to his face when Edgeworth emerged from behind the desk with a sock on his hand. The judge nearly fell over, completely infuriated and lost.

"M-Mr. Edgeworth…are you _intoxicated_?" he asked, more with a tone that _demanded_ an answer rather than requesting one. Edgeworth turned the sock upward toward the judge, opening and closing its mouth in sync with his words.

"Your _mom_ is intoxicated!" the 'witness' replied.

Where some found this amusing, many others did not. People erupted in angry outbursts around the room and the judge quickly found himself overwhelmed with trying to keep everyone quiet. During the commotion, Edgeworth grabbed his briefcase with his other hand and headed for the door announcing, "Pokémon sucks, I'm out of here."

Wright still could not figure out exactly how the courtroom managed to lose its composure over an intoxicated prosecutor, or how Edgeworth had even escaped the scene. What puzzled him more was _how_ Edgeworth knew about a popular _children's_ television show to begin with. Wright decided that this would be the one case he did _not_ pursue the answers to.

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So? How'd you like it? Yay, nay? I don't care, really. If you liked it, please tell me. If you didn't, get out of my face...well, if you didn't like it, at least tell me you didn't and tell me why--however, "it sucked" is not a valid review, it is a waste of time. If you're going to be a jerk, get out of my face. 

Remember that this was a _humor_ fic. If it didn't make you laugh, too bad, your funny bone tingles at something else. Don't flame me because you can't laugh. That being said...

Flames will be mocked. Good day.


End file.
